Adulting: (slang; verb) to be responsible for all the obligations that a typical “grown-up” would have in life (ie, a typical 9-to-5 job, mortgage payments, car finances, etc.)
I’ll admit it: I cry quite a bit when I’m overwhelmed. I’ve cried at every one of my full-time jobs since I’ve graduated college. I’ve cried about getting into blow-out fights with my family as I’ve asserted my independence. I’ve cried about money. I’ve cried about buying a house and all the crazy responsibility that meant. Being a “grown-up” isn’t always fun.
I wouldn’t want to go back to any other time in my life. I love walking into my house and knowing it belongs to B and me. I love driving around in the early spring, music blaring and windows down for the first time that season. I love finishing a huge project at work and knowing I’ve accomplished something major. I love touring little kids through the museum and they think I know everything.
Life is tough. There’s no working around that fact. But the way to offset it is to find other facets that you can appreciate on a daily basis. Simple as that. Achieve a balance between the overwhelming and the pleasurable and you’ll pull through.
(Also, lesson #8.5: “real adults” have no idea what they’re doing. We all fumble through this existence. Cut yourself some slack.)
This is pretty clear-cut, but it needs saying: you are a good person. You may make mistakes, you may fail, but those are never reasons to let anyone feel like you are less than human. You have value in humanity — we all do. If someone doesn’t honor that fact, lose them. It’ll hurt, regardless of your relationship to them, but you’ll be better for it in the long run.
You’re getting two lessons in one day, folks! (I missed yesterday because I pulled a double at the theatre and passed out on the couch before writing up a post.)
Lesson #4 was finding a qualified dermatologist and putting your skin in their hands. This lesson ties in very closely to that, I think: if you find a beauty product you love and know you’ll use it repeatedly indefinitely, then it’s ok to splurge a bit. Am I saying I spend $500 on an eye cream? No. (Oh hell no!) But I will spend $27 on a foundation that’s in my shade exactly and helps treat acne that I’ll use every singe day for at least six months. Or $34 on the only conditioner I’ve ever used that was moisturizing without making my head look like a greasy mop (and I knew would last me, literally, a year and a half). Or $22 on the most enduring eye liner I’ve sampled.
While these prices aren’t outrageous to some of you, my lovely readers, they would have been to me ten years ago. But my more adult logic is this: when I was in my early twenties, I would go to the local drug store and buy a handful of products for $5-$10 each. None of them would work as well as I would hope for (the lipstick would bleed, the foundation would be blotchy, the shampoo would build up after one wash, etc.), so I would go back the next month and buy similar products in the same price range and repeat the whole scenario ad nauseam, wasting so. much. cash.
When I discovered both Birchbox and Sephora, my beauty buying habits changed immensely. Getting monthly samples for only $10 from Birchbox allowed me to try so many different things without investing in a product until I knew it worked. And Sephora… Well, their sampling and return policy is to die for wonderful, so I’m never afraid to buy merchandise knowing I can bring it back, no questions asked (like the Clarisonic brush that I despised!). The fear of spending $20-$30 on one thing dissipated as soon as I knew that the price met the legitimate quality. While I spend too much money on beauty stuff (true fact), it’s all stuff that I use regularly and can rely on to work, as opposed to those products that would linger on the shelf and get tossed after six months.
Easier said than done, no?
When I graduated college, I was roughly $20,000 in debt because of three student loans, and, with a bachelor’s degree in English and theatre arts, not a huge prospect for paying that quickly. But when I got a real job, I made it a point to put extra money toward the smaller loans as often as possible, especially Christmas or birthday cash gifts or income I earned from picking up extra shifts — anything beyond my normal budget. I paid off two loans of the three quickly, only to take on additional car debt. But with the same game plan, I paid my car off 10 months in advance. (I actually was annoyed when the loan company sent me my title early because I knew I still owed them $6!)
Get a Financial Life by Beth Kobliner helped me understand how money works, especially for loans, credit cards, and mortgages. While I’m not debt free (one last lingering student loan and a mortgage), that book taught me why it’s important to throw extra money at each principle and in what order to pay down debt. I have a better sense of credit scores and why you shouldn’t carry a balance on a card. I’m not getting paid to endorse the book, but that doesn’t hinder me for extolling and recommending it to anyone and everyone with cash questions.
I know it’s not easy to talk about money (and this is my second day doing so!), but I honestly think that being comfortable with it aids in life happiness. If you can’t discuss one of the biggest factors that dictates your existence, then how can you make educated decisions about how to live day-to-day, let alone into the future?
So study up, friends, look at your budget and throw a few extra dollars whenever you can at that credit card balance or lingering loan.